chapter one............


I'll never forget the time i came face to face with the fact that i am completely nuts! my mind, a shrieking, gibbering madhouse barreling down the hill outta control, and hopeless. no problem...always been this way, not crazier than yesterday, not crazier than anyone else. just tired, so tired of lyin’ to myself.

finally changed when i didn’t wanna be me anymore, but didn’t know who to become, that space in between is called insanity.

folks have different ways of dealing with it. Andy hung himself.

found him hangin’ there mid-july. heavy mist made him look like a mannequin. a bad joke. just stared for awhile. the noose done perfectly with the required loops and length. jacket full of weights. ponytail like mine, except no gray hair, mid-twenties.

it was on the way to callin’ the cops i realized crazy is better than dead. give up on logic - it doesn’t make sense! Andy shoulda just gone crazy ‘stead of hangin’ there. knew his name from the beautiful memorial at the tree a few days later. a lotta people loved this guy. sure cured me. ain’t gonna be no memorial at my tree. i’m lovin’ life anyways. anyways i’m gonna love life.

maybe i shouldn’t call the cops. then i gotta explain what i’m doin’ campin’ in golden gate park. been two years 2 months. beat my old record by a mile. turns out, cops didn’t care about campin’ - happy to get Andy’s body removed before it got busy....

got a little nervous when the forensic guy said he wanted to rule out murder....it was ruled out quick - “the only foul play is what this guy did to himself.”

happy to hear that, he looked so much like a younger version of me, wondered if those guys tracking me made a mistake.